You ever feel like everything in your life is going pretty well, like you're getting ready to find some of your dreams starting to happen, then it just drops around you?

I finished school, after two and a half years, and was so excited to be done and to start looking for a graphic design/web design job in the real world. I didn't learn any of the things I expected to learn and didn't feel prepared by my schooling, but that paper means a lot in the world of job hunting. Well, then I find out there was a mix-up with my final loan paperwork and I now owe the school something in the ballpark of $2800, which I don't have. So, it looks like I'm continuing my schooling, since it's the only way I can get the money to pay the school so they'll give me my degree. *heavy sigh* I'm continuing on to get a Master's degree. If I ever decide to teach, there's one less degree I'll need but I'll just pile on to my mountain of debt.

I'm so envious of my little brother right now. Great kid, don't get me wrong. He's graduating this spring with his Bachelor's, and he's graduating debt-free. He and his wife found out how much they can qualify for on a home loan and they'll be looking to buy their first house this year. Boy, did I take the wrong road. He already landed a great job in his field, too.

Well, enough complaining. I could really rant all night about all things in my life I'm not happy about, but then I just end up feeling worse anyway. I have a job, I can pay my bills (mostly) and I'm working with my school counselors to find the best solution for paying the school and continuing my education. They could have pushed me to sign up for one of the programs in their school, which aren't what I want, but are helping me find a program somewhere that will get me where I'd like to be. Hopefully.

In good news, I do love my new car. It's ten years old, but it's still new to me. It's a 2002 Pontiac Grand Prix with an awesome V6 engine. It drives great! It's pretty quiet most of the time, too, except when you floor the gas. The car is big, since the Grand Prix is the biggest Pontiac sedan. The trunk is big enough to fit my ladder (yay for getting it out of my back seat!), my tool bag, and several boxes of work-related stuff, plus my Dewalt radio. One awesome feature my car has is the GM radio thing. When I park the car and turn off the ignition, the radio continues to play until a door is opened. It sounds dumb, but it sure is nice when I get home and I'm gathering stuff out of my car to take inside. I still need to install keyless entry, get the parts to properly fit my radio in my dash, and I'm hoping to install heated seats this year, too. Heated mirrors would be nice, and the auto-dimming rear view mirror. They're lower on my car wish list, though. Oh, and my car has actual rims on the tires, not hub caps. It looks so much nicer, and now they'll never fall off and no one can steal them. It's great.

The sad with getting a new car . . . If my Grand Am hadn't been totaled in November, I wouldn't have had to drain my savings to buy a new car. I could have used that to pay the school and not worried about continuing my education yet. I just have to believe there's a reason for these struggles I'm going through right now. I don't understand it all the time, but maybe it will give me a strength or clarity that will help me further on. Who knows? I am just trying to keep from drowning myself in depression. I've been down that road before and I don't ever want to walk it again.

So, anyway, if you know of any good Master's programs focusing in art or design, please let me know. I'm hoping to do campus classes and I'm considering USU (Utah State University, not to be confused with the more popular University of Utah). If there's an online program with excellent classes that teaches good and useful things, I might consider that route, too. And I'm starting on the job-hunt thing. Wish me luck there. I'm sure I'll need it.